Full Moon
by Thera90
Summary: That one night a month when the moon is the fullest…Kyo works out a way to be with the one he loves, but at what cost? Kyo x Haru oneshot in two parts.
1. Chapter 1

****

Full Moon 

**Summary: **_That one night a month when the moon is the fullest…_Kyo works out a way to be with the one he loves, but at what cost? Kyo x Haru oneshot (in two parts.)

**Rating: **M

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Fruits Basket or any of the characters.

**Warnings**: Yaoi (boy + boy :) )

**A/N**: Words in _italics _are thoughts.

* * *

_**Part One** _

Most nights were lonely.

Kyo didn't usually mind.

There was a certain comfort in lying on the roof surrounded by darkness, staring up at the stars. Those tiny balls of light so far away that seemed to make everything else fade when he gazed up at them. Kyo could stare at the stars for ages and just feel as if nothing else mattered…he felt like he was so insignificant that those emotions that stirred within him really weren't important…that they really shouldn't affect him as much as they did.

Those emotions that tore at his heart every day…they were so human…and so small in comparison to the scale of the universe. He would lie there and gaze up at the night sky as if trying to look beyond the stars, trying to go further than the naked eye could see, and forget about his own emotions. He could forget everything and just feel one with the night.

But on those nights when the moon was it's fullest….

On those nights, it was different. The world around him was bathed in a shimmery white glow, the moon like a light, paving the way for lovers in the dark. It seemed to call out to him, to urge him, join with that person you long for and let the night be yours.

Moonless nights were too dark for lovers, the harsh light of day too true…but during the full moon…it was magical…it was special…it was a night to be shared.

This is what Kyo thought, and what he had always thought, for as long as he could remember. When he was a young boy, he would stare out his window whenever he couldn't sleep…out into the night…up at the stars. Now that he was older, he often slept through the night…except…

On that night when the moon was the fullest he could never sleep at all. So he would creep out of his room, climb onto the roof…gaze up at the moon and..._ wish for someone to share it with me. _

But it wasn't just anyone. It was always the same person, for as long as he could remember…for years and years, he would ignore his feelings, but on the night of the full moon…that was the only night he was honest with himself. That was the only night he would allow himself to admit that he was in love with _him_, and had been for as long as he could remember.

Why was it so?

_Haru…_

_Even though we fight, even though my words are harsh…you don't know what I really want to say…you don't know how I really feel…it was buried so deep that even I couldn't admit it for such a long time…something so scary that I can only bear to think about it on nights like this…_

_Nights we should be together. _

What was it about the ox that drew the cat to him?

_It was because you cared… you like no other…I wanted you…I wanted to be yours…_

Not knowing how to deal, Kyo had treated Haru the way he treated most everyone else. He kept them at a distance. Not that it made much of a difference, the ox seemed to only notice Kyo when he was in the mood to fight. Yuki, on the other hand, was someone Haru paid a lot of attention to.

Kyo had seen the way Haru reacted when Yuki was around. He had observed, while pretending not to care, the way the ox often moved himself so he was standing close to Yuki whenever the rat was nearby. The way that he too became troubled when he noticed Yuki was worried over something… _and I wish I could have someone do that for me…someone who cared so much for me that they notice those things…someone who only had eyes for me…someone who would always be there for me…_

_  
Haru…only you. _

It was yet another thing to hate Yuki for. Because of Yuki, Kyo would never ever allow Haru to know how he felt. But it wasn't just that…no…. of course, it was also the fact that…

_There's nothing to like about the cat of the zodiac. I'm not good enough for you…someone like me…there's not even a chance…you could ever love me back._

But that still didn't change the way he felt about the ox.

_I've seen the way you love, the way you care. For the rat, the tiger, the rabbit…and I want to be cared for too…part of me…deep down longs for that, for someone I can rely on to always be there for me…I see that in you…the softer side…the accepting side…_

_Could you accept me? _

Maybe Tohru could…but what did she really think, what did she really feel behind that bright smile? Even if her kindness was true, she would still never fully understand. She couldn't. She wasn't a Sohma. But Haru…

_Is that why I want to be with him so badly? Maybe all these reasons are why. _

_Or maybe…_

Maybe falling in love is so subconscious an act that you can never even begin to understand it, let alone fight it...

--------------------------

Another full moon.

Kyo sat on his roof, as always during these nights. Why did it feel like each became more and more unbearable? Like each month was getting harder to survive with these emotions that stirred within him, that wouldn't leave him alone?

_If I could just be with him once…just _once _would that be enough to satisfy me? Would it make me happy to at least know what it could be like? Would it stop this restlessness inside, would I be able to forget about him then, or at least, accept that some things are never meant to be? _

_Perhaps. _

So he climbed through his bedroom window and got some paper and a pen. Then he climbed back up onto the roof, and under the light of the moon, he began a letter.

_Dearest Haru, _

Kyo crossed that out. _What am I thinking? _

_Hatsuharu san,_

He crossed that out too. _I want it to be right…_

_Haru…_

_No, no, no! _He groaned, resting his head in his hands.

Why was it so difficult?

He had to write this letter…Kyo had never been good with words, they were awkward enough when he spoke, let alone writing them down. Other times it might not have mattered…but this time…every single word, every single syllable could be vital.

_Or maybe words really aren't that important. Maybe there are things that are stronger… Maybe I should just write what I need to, without thinking, and let fate decide…_

So he placed his pen to a fresh sheet of paper. The paper was crisp and soft at the same time, more of a parchment (he had 'borrowed' it from Shigure). It was an off white…though to describe it as such was inadequate… it was marble white…. a pearly white…the same colour as the moon…

The ink he wrote with? That was the same colour as a moonless night; a deep, dark, velvety black, so rich and striking against the white that the words took on the illusion of floating, not actually attached to the paper.

Kyo took a deep breath, and then he wrote in flowing writing, much neater and unlike any he had managed before.

_Dear Hatsuharu, _

_You don't know who I am, but I am someone who can't get you off my mind. I know we can't be together, but seeing you, all the time…being so close and yet so far away, I'm not sure how much longer I can keep it to myself. Please meet me with me at midnight, on the night of the next full moon. Just one night to be with you is all I ask. _

His face flamed. _It sounds so bad…it sounds so suspicious, who would listen to something like that? Who could even take it seriously? _

_But I can't do any better. I just have to hope…_

Then, he wrote down in depth instructions on how to arrive at the special location he had chosen in the woods. He even drew a little map. Then he put it in an envelope.

One months time…. one month till the next full moon…

--------------------------

Haru walked into his room the next night. He was exhausted, but didn't know if his mind could let him sleep. He lay down on his bed and rested his arms behind his head, smiling slightly to himself as he became lost in thought.

All was quiet, all was silent, everything completely calm. As it was outside. Not a single breeze rustled the trees, nothing moved…all was still.

Yet suddenly he felt the urge to feel the cool, yet thick, heady, night air against his skin. To breathe in its dept… its richness…

Why was it at night that the natural smells of the soil, the trees, the vegetation…it was all so much stronger? Why was it that being outside, out there at night, _in the night, _everything felt so much more _alive_?

So Haru turned to open the window and paused as he noticed something sticking to the other side of the glass pane.

An envelope.

Someone had written him a letter? Placed it on his bedroom window for only him to see? _No one has ever done something like that for me before_…

His hands shook slightly as he opened the letter.

--------------------------

A month had passed.

Had the waiting killed him?

Nearly.

Had the waiting made him change his mind?

A thousand times.

A thousand times Kyo had thought maybe, _maybe I should just leave things be_.

But he had started it, and now he had to end it.

Would Haru show?

It was interesting; the ox had not acted any different since he got the letter (assuming he did receive it), and as far as Kyo knew, the ox had not mentioned its contents to a single soul. He was sure if Haru told anyone, Momiji would have been the first to find out and once the bubble boy knew, it wouldn't have been long before everyone else did too.

_Maybe Haru just laughed and threw it away, thinking nothing more of it… maybe that would be a good thing…maybe, if he doesn't show tonight, maybe then I'll be able to get over him completely. It was never meant to be… _

_You're only making things worse and much harder for yourself! _Another part of his mind reminded him. _But I need this! I NEED this…just once…_

And so tonight…

_Will he come to me? _

-----------------------

Haru looked at the letter he had been carrying around with him for a month. It had been unfolded and re-folded so many times that the words that lay along the creases had faded almost completely. It didn't matter though; he knew every word on that paper, every single scrawled letter off by heart.

At first he had wondered if it was simply a joke…or a trap…some kind of prank? But he couldn't think of anyone who would do such a thing…who would have any reason or who would even bother? Especially since most people were too afraid of his black side to try.

He hadn't told anyone…it was his little secret, something that excited him more and more as the moon grew fuller in the night sky. And the more he thought about it, the more he became sure of who it was.

Someone who was too shy and scared to admit his feelings to him, to let anyone else ever know. If this was the only way they felt comfortable doing it, then Haru would be patient and give them a chance….

Because he had feelings for that person too.

_So I'll go…I'll defiantly take a chance and go…love is always worth taking a chance. Even if I'm scared, even if its dangerous…even if I don't want to get hurt…I won't let that side of me show, I won't let it hold me back. I'll take a chance. _

---------------------------

Kyo paced around his room. His felt as if his insides were jumping…his blood was dancing…

_I can't stop shaking…_

Back and forth, back and forth. _Breath deeply_. _Only_ _three hours to go…_

"WHY?!" Kyo suddenly screamed and sank to the ground, covering his head with his hands as if that could block out the thoughts he didn't want to think.

"DAMMIT!"

_Why can't I stop thinking about you Haru? What is wrong with me? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!_

Kyo leapt out the window, and burst into the night, landing on the ground, all fours. He straightened up feeling the night surrounding him, welcoming him.

His eyes glowed ruby red, striking in the darkness, and then he ran, he ran as fast as he could, dodging through the trees, feeling the earth shifting beneath his feet, the wind whipping his skin…he ran and became one with the night.

Finally Kyo stopped at a clearing; this was a place he liked to visit often. It was away from everyone else, an isolated ring of trees surrounding a stretch of mossy grass and damp earth. Standing there, looking up, it was the one spot where no trees obstructed the view of the sky.

It was so strange, this circle in the middle of the woods as if it didn't belong there. But when Kyo was here…he almost felt like he had found a place _he_ belonged.

He climbed with ease up one of the trees that surrounded this unusual place and there he sat, bringing his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly. There he waited.

And hoped.

---------------

_He isn't coming…_

Kyo gazed up at the full moon through the branches and leaves of his tree. He felt something wet slide down his face and wiped it away.

_A tear? _

Looking back down and over to the clearing…at this time, the moon was the highest in the sky and while other parts of the forest were so thick little light filtered through, the effect of the moon in the clearing was breathtaking as it lit up the circle of land in a pale, shimmering glow.

_It's at least an hour past midnight…there is no sight of him…_

_Of course…what did you expect? Why on earth would he come…who would listen to some weird letter…maybe that would happen in fiction, but real life isn't a fairy tale or a movie…things don't play out that easily. Things are never that simple… people are never that trusting…_

Still, he remained frozen on the tree. He couldn't bring himself to get down.

_I'll stay here all nigh if I have to…I'll wait until the sun rises for him…_

_Just this once. _

But why did his heart sink at the thought of Haru never showing? Why did he get the feeling that even _then_ he wouldn't be able to stop feeling this way?

_**Rustle** _

The slight sound made Kyo's ears prick up. _Could it be? Could it really be Haru?_

He crawled carefully to the edge of the branch to get a better look.

A small grey squirrel scurried across the ground.

He sighed in disappointment.

**Snap**

_What was that?_ It sounded just like the sound of a twig snapping underneath someone's shoe…

The first thing he saw was that white hair, shining in the moonlight and his breath caught.

_Haru…you came…you really came…_

------------------------

Haru took another step. _It must be somewhere around here…_

He was careful to keep his face utterly blank and expressionless. He forced himself to appear calm. But inside…inside he was nervous.

_I can't believe I got lost even though I read and re-read those directions over and over and memorised that map completely…_

The sound of someone landing behind him caused him to jump, and his heart leapt to his throat. He was about to turn around to face whoever it was, ready to attack if need be, but he was stopped by two hands clamping over his eyes.

"Don't be afraid." A voice whispered in his ear, so low, so soft that he couldn't be sure if it was male or female…the faintest of words so he couldn't identify the voice.

He felt the person's presence so strongly, so near that he tingled all over. He wanted to struggle…one twist and he could turn around, see them, reveal them.

"Please…. don't move." There was such begging, such need in those few words that Haru remained still.

Why was it that voices in the dark could sound so much more intimate? If normal voices did that…how much more intimate did a whisper become? Haru could feel the person's breath against his ear as they whispered to him, and each word sent shivers down his spine.

He felt a soft, cool material being slipped over his eyes and realised it was a blindfold. He reached up uncertainly, wanting to remove it, but two hands slipped over his, stopping them.

"Please, trust me." That voice whispered. " You cannot see who I am. But please, stay with me tonight. I won't hurt you, I just want to be with you."

Kyo held his breath. He expected Haru to run or turn black and tear off his blindfold, turn around…become horrified…

Kyo was terrified at that thought…he was so scared he couldn't breath and time in that instance seemed to slow right down.

But the ox only nodded. "Okay."

Kyo took another step closer. He was so close he could feel the heat radiating off Haru's body, and it made him long for more. Kyo inched closer still, until his chest was pressing into the other boy's back, and at that contact he couldn't control it anymore.

_I need you…_

Haru felt the person's hands sliding around his waist, clutching his chest and pulling him back against their own body. He felt their warmth rush over him, and then they buried their face in his neck.

Haru shivered again, growing weak from the sensation. Warm lips pressed against the crook of his neck and began to kiss and suck gently at the sensitive skin there. His heartbeat sped up, his pulse raced; he began to feel dizzy, standing there in the dark, blindfolded so he couldn't even see the shadows. All he could do was _feel_.

Night-time made everything more intense, it highlighted ones senses, made one more aware. Night gave things an unreal quality and yet at the same time made them seem more real than ever before. The night made everything so intense, added to this, with the blindfold…suddenly Haru's other senses: touch, hearing, smell…suddenly they all sharpened, became clearer than ever before.

Every inch of his skin was hyper sensitive. One brush, the barest of touches and he shivered feeling it dance down his skin. He could smell the fresh, moist grass and earthy soil at his feet; the clean, crisp night air surrounding him. He could hear the distant sounds of animals moving about…it was almost as if he could feel the life forces of all the creatures that dwelled in the woods; the night thrummed with life, simultaneously weakening and invigorating him.

Most of all he could feel _him_. That energy, that aura, the closeness of the other person…it blended with his own energy, pulsed with his own, sent his head spinning…and he wasn't nervous or unsure any longer.

_I am yours…_

Kyo held Haru tighter as he lowered him slowly to the ground. His heart was thudding so hard, his blood rushing so loud in his ears that all other sound was blocked out.

Haru tried to turn around, tried to hold him too, but the other boy wouldn't let him.

"No…. don't touch me," he whispered running a hand through Haru's soft hair. "Just let me, please let me…."

_I shouldn't be doing this…_Kyo's mind whispered,but he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop his hands from roaming, from sliding under Haru's shirt, feeling that smooth, warm skin. He looked down at Haru, still blindfolded. His breathing had become ragged, and he lay in Kyo's arms so trustingly…

He moved his hands over the toned muscles of Haru's stomach and chest, his fingers grazing one nipple and pausing as Haru let out a little moan.

Under the glow of the full moon, Kyo could see the flush that had grown over Haru's face. He wanted to hear him moan again, he wanted to see that flush deepen…he wanted to give Haru pleasure and know that it was him who was making Haru feel that way.

_I shouldn't be doing this…_

_But I need to. _

"Wha – what are you –" Haru gasped as he felt hands wandering lower, unzipping his pants.

"Ssssh." The voice hushed, and the person shifted so that they sat up slightly, completely behind Haru, pulling him against them, letting him lay his head on their chest.

Haru could fell their heart beating; it was faster than it should be and it caused his own to speed up.

One cool hand slipped into his pants and he jerked at that first feather light touch. He felt the person's own arousal pressing into him from behind as they held his throbbing member.

Kyo grasped him, so warm, so alive, loving the velvety softness as he began to pleasure Haru, slowly at first, then harder, faster. He watched the enjoyment wash over Haru's face, and could feel it too.

_His pleasure is mine… _

Haru felt as if his whole body was burning, melting and shivering at the same time…. Touch was the only sense he was aware of; all other senses had closed off. He could hardly believe what was happening to him, hardly believe this was real…

"Yuki." Haru breathed out, slowly and clearly.

Kyo froze.

Just for a fraction of a second. In that instance time stopped.

There he was... alone. Surrounded by…nothing.

No sounds, no feelings, no words, no thoughts….

And then –

Pain. It sliced through him and was quickly followed by a heavy, cold, feeling descending upon his chest, pressing down on him, suffocating him…

_Who was I kidding? Of course he wouldn't still be here if he thought it was anyone other than his beloved Yuki…_

_But I still love him no matter what … I can't help loving him._

In the next instance Kyo continued to pleasure the one he loved even thought that one thought he was with the one _he _loved...

Haru hadn't seemed to notice the slight pause. He moaned again softly, as Kyo continued to touch him, fingers caressing that velvety skin, brushing over that sensitive tip, collecting the pearly drops of liquid that leaked out, using it as lubricant to pump harder. Haru's entire body had gone tense, his mouth parted slightly, and Kyo could tell he was close to his release.

When Haru came, Kyo felt the orgasm sweep through him, felt his seed spill over his hand, watched as the pleasure washed over Haru's face…and to his utter shock he suddenly, almost violently, felt something warm and hot rush through his own body, unlike anything he ever had felt before, and then he too was coming, unable to control it.

"Haru." He whispered.

_Haru I love you, oh god, I love you so much…tell me why…I can't fight it…you make me so weak…but I love you all the same. _

That's what Kyo wanted to say; he had to bite his lip to stop himself from bursting out and telling Haru he loved him over and over again even though he didn't fully understand it himself.

He couldn't say it though. He couldn't say that when Haru thought he was Yuki.

But he didn't want to move, he didn't want to leave.

"Amazing." Haru said quietly, a small, almost bittersweet smile on his face.

With trembling hands, Kyo reached up and gently, reluctantly, lifted Haru off him, then slowly, uncertainly, began to undo the blindfold.

"It's okay." Haru reassured. "I won't look."

Kyo paused for a second, staring at Haru's flushed face. Then he leaned in pressing his lips to Haru's. Another wave of pleasure rushed through him as Haru eagerly returned the kiss, and Kyo's hands slid through that soft, silky, black and white hair to hold his head, press him closer, not wanting to let go, not wanting the kiss to stop. He kissed him as if by doing so he could merge with him, sink into him, be with him always. Kyo broke away, panting.

"Thank you Haru." He whispered, the tears finally spilling over. He turned and ran, disappearing before Haru could even finish removing the blindfold.

------------------------

_Thank you for reading! I shall post part two very soon if anyone likes this first part : )_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much to all the wonderful people who reviewed part one :D Makes me so happy to know that people liked it : ) And so here is the second (and last) part of my lil story…_

* * *

**PART 2**

A façade. A masquerade. That's what life was by the harsh light of day.

Everything carried on as normal. The same fighting, the same arguing, the same cheerful chatter and bantering. It whirled around and around him.

_None of them know, _Kyo thought as he argued with the rat during breakfast the following morning as per usual. _None of them could ever guess how I really feel, how much I'm hurting right now. _

He played it all indifferent. Everything was like that…everything as it had been.

Fake. A cover up.

When he saw Haru, things were just the same.

It was all as if nothing had happened.

It was all still…false smiles. Forced laughter. Everybody, much more cheerful than how they really felt. _It's necessary…to protect ourselves, to get through each day; we ignore that darkness inside, caused by those black feelings, those ones that hurt so much. _

But when night fell, could he keep it up?

_No. At night-time I do not even have the strength to pretend to myself any longer, I can't ignore my own thoughts; I can't ignore the truth…once night falls everything is laid bare._

Kyo huddled under his covers, curled into a ball, clutching his stomach as the unreleased feelings burst out, rushing over him in boiling, bubbling, violent waves. _I never meant to Haru… I never meant to…I tried to resist…how could I do something like that you?_

_I'm so sorry Haru…I can't believe I…_

…_I used_ _you. _

_Yes…I _used _him_. _The one I loved…I tricked him into thinking I was Yuki…how could I do that? How could I use him like that with no regard for his feelings? I was so selfish, so wrapped up in my own emotions that I couldn't control it! How can I live with myself knowing what I've done?_

_---------------------_

The days went by and Kyo thought it would get better. He thought he would learn how to deal. He thought he could push that night to the very dept of his mind and ignore the guilt of what he had done… ignore the pain of hearing Haru say _that _name…ignore the _longing_ he still felt.

He thought he could block out everything and continue living his meaningless existence for whatever purpose…without caring …because to not care...that was the only way to survive.

He thought it would get better.

It didn't.

The nights were even worse. Every single night without fail the tears would come.

_I wish I could turn back time…and yet…part of me…part of me doesn't want to forget. Despite the guilt I feel I never want to give up those memories of being so close to him…_

_Haru…_

_I want to pretend that those feelings he has for Yuki, I want to pretend he has them for me! I know it isn't so, I know it was wrong, but I can't stop reliving that night in my mind, every night…it's driving me crazy and I want another night to be with you Haru…_

_That feeling that rushed through me…will I ever feel something so incredible again?_

_Just one more time? One more time and then I'll let you go? _

_One more time…_

_----------------------------_

Haru sighed, smiling slightly to himself as he looked out his window the following night, up at the stars. Ever since he had first received that letter he had been paying more and more attention to the night sky.

_It's beautiful… _

He looked down and felt a familiar stirring of hope and anticipation as he saw, stuck to the window, another envelope.

--------------------------

Another month went by.

And another.

And another.

Each month on the night of the full moon they met.

Kyo had tried to resist, but somehow he couldn't stop himself from going there on those nights...he didn't even have to write letters anymore, Haru always came.

_I know it's not right…I know it's so wrong…but… sometimes…sometimes I can fool myself, sometimes when I hold him in my arms I can pretend that Haru knows its me, and is there for ME, not Yuki. _

_I feel like dying when I remember that it's not the truth. Still, I have realised I would rather have Haru think I'm Yuki and still have a way to see him than to not be able to be with him at all. _

_How can something feel so _right _and so _wrong _at the same time? _

_If he ever found out…if he knew it was I…_

_How did it ever become like this? At first it was just something that I wanted, someone that I wanted…but then it became something that I needed…and then, then I realised I loved him… I never believed in that emotion until I really felt it... then I had no doubt. I love him and I can't forget about him. _

_I feel like I can't survive without him. Without him I have no reason to go on. I need him… he's the only thing that keeps me going… _

_How did it become like this? _

_-------------------------------_

"Will you ever let me see you?" Haru asked, as he felt the presence of _him _arrive on yet another full moon's night. A blindfold was slipped over Haru's eyes as soft lips placed a kiss on his cheek.

"I cannot…" the person sighed against his skin.

"Why? Are you scared? You don't need to be scared." Haru turned around in his arms, trying to hold him.

The person stepped away.

"Why? Why won't you let me touch you?"

"Please…" the strain and desperation was clear in his voice. "Don't make this harder than it already is…"

Haru felt himself getting angry as he fought for control of his black side. This was becoming a little too much for him to handle.

"Why is it that… this thing we have…. why is it only once a month? Why only on the night of the full moon? Why can't we be together more often? Why?!" he demanded in frustration. "I understand shyness, but not letting me see you…this is getting ridiculous. I'm beginning to feel like you're just playing with me…likes it's some sort of game."

Haru heard the other person gasp and he wished he could take back what he had said. _No, it's not a game… of course I don't really think that… I could never believe that, not after the way he holds me…the way I feel when I'm with him…I can sense it…when we are together…_

_This is real. _

Kyo felt cold all over. What Haru had said…it hit a little too close to home. _It _is_ like I'm using you…because you think I'm Yuki…but…but I…_

"I love you Haru," he whispered before he could stop himself.

"Then how long is this going to go on for?" Haru asked, his usually calm voice sounding desperate. "When will it stop being only one night and start being _every _night?"

There was a long pause. Then that voice began again, slowly, painfully:

"We can never be together during the day…only at night, when we are protected by darkness. _Every_ night…that would be too much, I couldn't handle it without wanting to give in completely… to never leave your side."

_And for reasons I can't admit to you Haru, that can't happen. To be loved by you…that's a dream that can never come true. Because if you knew who is really whispering these words…_

"On a full moon…on those nights though…._ they are our nights_. They are the nights that belong to us. Lovers that can never be. A month is the longest…it's how long I can bear it as it builds up…_this thing_…these feelings… a month is how long I can resist, how long I can try to pretend _I don't love you_…But on the full moon…it becomes unbearable…." Kyo trailed off for a moment, remembering all those times he had sat alone on the night of the full moon and wished to be with someone.

_No...not someone...Haru. Only Haru._ _And now I'm scared to be alone during that time…could I handle it? _

"Haru, you enjoy this too…can't you be satisfied with those nights when the moon is at its fullest?"

Kyo trembled as he waited for Haru's reaction.

_Would this be it? _Kyo wondered. _Has it come to this…the time when he turns black, decides to stop putting up with this? Will tonight be the night…when it all ends? _

_NO! It's too soon! It's can't be over yet! Just a few more nights… Please! _

Haru sighed. "Okay. Being with you this way, once a month…it's better than nothing. It's better then never. I'll give you time, as much time as you need before you feel you can show yourself to me."

_That would be never, _Kyo thought miserably.

"On one condition," Haru continued. "That you let me touch you too."

Kyo tensed up. _He wants to…?! _He felt a small flare of excitement, but it quickly died as he remembered. _Well of course Haru would…he thinks I'm Yuki. __Could I handle that? He couldn't possibly tell that I'm not Yuki just by touching me could he? _

Could Kyo take the risk?

_I was too scared before but do I really have a choice now? As long as he doesn't feel the prayer beads on my wrist…then I guess it will be okay. _

So Kyo agreed.

Haru, still unable to see but quite used to that now, slipped a hand around Kyo's waist and pulled him towards his own body so sharply that they both stumbled and fell to the ground. Their fall was cushioned by the grass, which formed a cool, soft mattress beneath them.

The moon continued to shine serenely down on them, but this time Haru was anything but calm. He kissed Kyo, almost bruising in its intensity, demanding for more, pouring his frustration into that kiss. His hands slid under Kyo's shirt and tugged on his pants and though Kyo blushed and shivered, he couldn't stop him.

_I don't have the will to stop you Haru… _

Haru stood back a little shakily and removed his own clothes. Kyo couldn't help but stare in awe for a moment at how beautiful his body looked bathed in the moonlight.

Whatever Haru had in mind, Kyo wanted it too. _I want to be with you Haru… _

Unable to stop himself, he reached out and grabbed Haru's hand, pulling the boy gently back down. Haru laid himself on top of Kyo and kissed him again passionately, slower this time, softer. The anger he had felt earlier seemed to fade away as they lay there, the moon illuminating their entwined bodies, in the centre of the clearing in the otherwise dark night. Haru trailed kisses down Kyo's chest, rubbing himself against him, wanting him, needing him.

Kyo could feel their lust building, growing…energy flowing around their bodies, thickening to the extent that it almost felt tangible.

_But it's more than just lust, _Kyo thought. _It always has been, for me at least. Haru…not only do I want to feel your pleasure…I want to become one with you… I want to connect with you like no one else has, body and soul… so we never have to part…_

Kyo couldn't seem to stop thinking these thoughts, feeling this way and it frightened him in its intensity.

Haru sat up then, bringing Kyo with him, wrapping the boy's legs around his waist and holding him tightly. Kyo waited in anticipation, wondering what Haru would do next. To his surprise the boy simply sighed and buried his face into Kyo's neck.

Abruptly it was as if a spell had fallen over them, and neither dared to move. They held each other close but stayed still. Time seemed to stop and it was only the two of them.

Then slowly, Kyo became aware of their surroundings once more. He could feel it…not only their energy, but also that of the night… he looked up and there she was, the silver moon shining down on them as always... _creating this illusion, this beautiful dream that feels more real than anything else... _

_Thump, thump, thump…_Suddenly his heart was beating so loudly…. his chest was pressed so close to Haru's he could feel his own heartbeat and then that was all that Kyo could hear. _Ba-dump ba-dump…_

They were perfectly aligned…

_Is this what it feels like? To be this close to someone…someone who makes you feel like you've found your place in this world…your reason for living when you've lost all hope? _

_Why then, do I feel like it's not everything it should be? Why do I feel like I'm so close to reaching something… wonderful… but that it will always be just a fraction out of my grasp? _

_Something's blocking it…_

_I know why, deep in my heart I already know. It's because just like everything else this is …_

_Fake. _

The tears came fast, running down Kyo's face, but they were silent, and Haru could not see. He did not know.

_He does not know…_

Haru interrupted the stillness by shifting his head slightly and pressing his mouth to the pulse on Kyo's neck. He sucked on it, hard enough to leave a mark.

_A love bite…_Kyo thought faintly. _He's marking me… he thinks I'm Yuki…_

_No…this is wrong! I've got to stop him! _

"Nnnnn…."

It came out more as a moan than a plea to stop because at that moment Haru reached down and touched him. Kyo moaned again and would have fallen back if Haru's arm wasn't there, supporting him. At the same time he was all too aware of Haru's own arousal pressing against him….

Every stroke, every caress of Haru's hand around his pulsing member sent bolts of pleasure shooting through Kyo. He bit his lip so hard it drew blood in his effort not to scream out loud.

_I can't scream…he might realise I'm not Yuki…_

Those tears…they were still running down his face … never had anything felt so good and so bad at the same time.

_I don't have the strength to resist him… I don't have the strength to stay away from him…I just want him with me always and I don't know how to make this feeling stop!_

_Why does it have to be this way?_

Haru let out a sudden growl and the next thing Kyo knew he was face down on the ground, Haru on top of him, pressing into him, covering him completely.

He leaned in close so that his mouth was just above Kyo's ear. "Do you think this isn't hard for me too?" The anger was back in his voice.

Kyo whimpered.

"It doesn't have to be like this!" Haru exclaimed, struggling with his black side. That side of him was inpatient, intolerant. It wanted to demand that the boy admit what Haru knew was true…was _real_…to show who he was, get over his fear. Both sides of Haru wanted him to do that before he…before he….

"Don't you realise how hard it is for me, every time just to _control_ myself…" Haru continued his voice strained.

Kyo couldn't speak. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. _I'm sorry Haru…_

"I have to have you." Haru said simply. " I can't wait any longer. I have to have you _now_."

Kyo had only a second to realise what Haru was doing as he prepared himself and then in one swift motion, thrust inside of Kyo making the boy gasp at the sudden pain. Haru felt him relax a second later as the pain gave way to something much, much more…

_Haru…_Kyo thought in wonder. _These feelings…they feel so fantastic…we are connected in the most intimate way possible…_

_But why do I feel like my heart's breaking all over again…_

"Let me see you." Haru half begged, half demanded. " Take off this blindfold..._please_."

"N-NO!" Kyo managed to gasp.

Kyo heard Haru sigh but the boy began to move, creating a rhythm that gradually started to pick up. Kyo listened to the moans and sighs Haru made and he wished he could turn around, longed to watch the expressions on Haru's face. That desire alone to see him as he felt him inside was so strong it brought on its own kind of pain…

_But it's probably better this way…_

_Is that the kind of pain that Haru feels, not being able to see me…or rather…not being able to see Yuki…_

_Yes that's right…he thinks he's making love to Yuki. _

Suddenly, the realization of what he was doing fully hit Kyo.

_You have to stop him! _Kyo's mind screamed. _This is your last chance…you can't let him finish this while he still thinks you're Yuki! You've done enough damage! You have to stop him; you can't abuse his own emotions like this!! You're using him! How can you live with yourself! _

Kyo struggled with these thoughts even as the feel of Haru inside him caused pleasure to cloud his mind...

_Tell him! Tell him now, you coward! _

Kyo's mouth opened and closed desperately but no sound came out. _It's useless! Oh God…it's useless…I…I… _

_I CAN'T DO IT! _

Haru leaned in closer as he neared the edge and Kyo could feel his warm breath against his ear.

"Kyo." Haru whispered, a second before his release came.

_Kyo…_

Crystal clear that name echoed throughout Kyo's mind.

His name.

For a second his heart seemed to stop beating, the world around him seemed to freeze.

Nothing…existed…

Just as instantly, the world came rushing back to life and still trying to comprehend what he had heard, Kyo realised he couldn't hold it back any longer -

"HARU!!!!" he screamed as the night exploded.

-----------------------

The two of them lay very still.

Kyo stared up at the moon as if it could answer all his questions.

_Is this real? Did I really hear…did Haru really say my name?_ _I heard it so clearly…what does this mean? _

Haru stirred. "Kyo," he said softy. There was no mistaking. "Can I finally remove the blindfold?"

All Kyo could do was stare at the moon, still in shock.

Finally, he sat up, and almost as if in a trance he reached over and slowly, slowly, lifted the blindfold up, sliding it off Haru's forehead.

Silver eyes met his.

_Haru… _

Haru placed his hand against the Kyo's cheek and leaned in to kiss him softly. "Kyo…." he murmured when they broke apart, then he uttered the shocking words. "I always knew it was you. Right from the beginning."

Kyo continued to stare at him, speechless.

"I'm sorry Kyo… if this is too early for you. I thought I could be more patient…I knew that you had to do it your way…I knew I had to let you do it your way before you would realise…"

"B-but before…." Kyo interrupted, unable to believe what Haru seemed to be saying. "You called me 'Yuki'."

"Oh, that. I wanted to see if you would deny it, if you would tell me who you really were, that easily. The fact that you didn't, well I knew you needed time. Also that one moment of hesitation, back then when I said Yuki's name, it was all I needed to confirm my suspicions, my _hopes _that it was you."

"H-Haru…"

"I always liked you Kyo, I admired Yuki, but I also adored you. I never guessed you would or could feel the same way until I received that letter…. and, now, these nights we spent together the one night a month when the moon was the fullest...they made me realise…I'm completely in love with you."

"H-Haru…" Kyo blinked, trying to stop the tears. "I….I lo-"

"Sssh." Haru drew Kyo towards him, embracing him tightly. "It's okay, there's no need for words. _I know_. I understand."

The first rays of the morning sunrise started to peak through the clearing and caused them both to look up.

"It's the sun…" Kyo whispered.

"I know you might be scared," Haru said, "But if you let me, I want to stay with you. I'm going to be here by your side from now on."

"I ..." Kyo began and stopped as he felt an emotion he had almost given up on swelling inside.

_Hope… _It was there again. _Did this mean…_

Haru smiled and stood up, offering a hand and never taking his eyes off Kyo's. "It's okay. You don't have to hide anymore."

_I don't have to hide anymore. _

Kyo smiled slightly. It was a small smile, but it was a real one. He took Haru's hand.

Maybe Haru was right. The harsh light of day was scary, but the night had given him strength. Maybe it didn't always have to be fake smiles and empty hearts…maybe… finally… something real…

Could begin to take away the pain.

_End. _

_

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_

_Thank you for reading! Aww, I like happy endings : ) Well I think this is the longest one-shot fanfic I've written :P Originally it was only going to be about 4 pages long! Hehe, actually it was on of those stories which I never planed on writing but suddenly found myself writing and couldn't stop… like its beyond my control or something :P So I'm not sure how well it turned out, but pls review and tell me what you thought :)_

_---Thera_


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